the year is 2012

and I am going to stop apologizing for my lack of blogging consistency. Although I guess if I want my witty writing attempts to be rewarded with readers and comments I should revisit that thought.

maybe.

false alarm

today's good again.

Today is a Fail.

It started out fine! I had a good sleep in, relaxing morning and a delicious cup of coffee. My rehearsal was very productive – got some good blocking and scene work done! The plan was to meet up with my favourite downtowners for an afternoon movie. This is where it get sarcastically awesome. I can’t find my wallet at the theatre. Great. I run out of gas trying to get home on the freeway – with the boys still in my car. So we are left to walk to the nearest off-ramp to a gas station. The one stroke of luck was the cab that pulled up on the freeway just as we were thinking of calling one. The downside – I get a life management speech ripe with judgement from the cab driver!! Seriously!

*sigh*

I can’t find it anywhere.

the wolverine

I work in a downtown coffee shop. My clientele: downtown business people and condo yuppies. Both groups are creatures of habit so we get a lot of customer repeats. Because we get so many regulars are generally recognized as – and referred to by their favorite morning caffeine boost. For instance at our little java spot we have “nonfat extrawater americano misto, soy nowater tazo chai, threepumphazelnut withroom boldcoffee, large nonfat nowhip cinnamon latte. Others are known more for their presence: creepy-reading-stare-a-lot guy, incredibly-awake-and-perky-for-the-early-am couple, ted-mosby: architect guy, and the wolverine.

Describing the wolverine is always met with “You mean like Hugh Jackman?” No, no. The Wolverine. As in, if they were to recast the movie he would be it. As in, if the marvel cartoon X-Man was looking for a morning pick me up he would order a 5shot large noroom Americano. It’s not just the perfect two-tone leather coat, it’s not just the facial hair wolverine chops, it’s not just the chunk of man presence that he is, it’s not even just the sweet almost southern way he says ‘thank you kindly’ – it’s definitely all of the above. I’m just saying.

And I am a complete fool in front of this man.
So, it’s a Saturday morning and I’m thinking that I am free from the embarrassment I face in front of this particular Monday-Friday regular. If only. He walks in early morning, taking me off guard and before I am able to filter my otherwise carefully guarded mouth...

“On a Saturday!?! It must be my birthday!”

Oh ya. Outloud. Now it was Saturday morning the cafe was practically empty but those who were leisurely enjoying the Saturday morning definitely heard. That three foot counter that otherwise protects me is unfortunately not sound proof.

Awesome.

a new beginning of sorts

im starting a new regimen. we will see how it goes. i am in the process of reopening my life to the internet. well, maybe not the whole internet. but it is time i started writing again. time i started posting pictures again. and to be used as a creative outlet: youtube account. oh yea.

i'll uh, keep you updated!

xavier

i heard xavier rudd was coming to edmonton. i was excited. i had heard some of his stuff and decided right aways even though i didn't know all the words to all of his songs this was a concert i had to see. but one that needed to be enjoy in a group. i bought 6 tickets-third row-awesome. now to find people. i think the group changed around 4 times. a wave of yeses and nos. somewhat stressful but it turned out wonderful. i sat there in our third row seats before we all rushed the stage looking beside me at the other five faces sitting beside me: charissa, sharon, steven, brice, and krista. i could not have asked for a better bunch. great show, great opener (joshua radin - check him out), GREAT concert, great people, great night.

favorite moment explaining to the six year old that 'boys are stinky' when she smelled the weed that was sparked in the winsper centre! getting high at her very first concert.

xavier rudd. wow.

time. space. slipping. life. sigh.

alone

loneliness is something that happens to us, but i think it is somethingwe can move ourselves out of. i think a person who is lonely should dig into a community, give himself to a community, humble himself before his friends, initiate community, teach people to care for each other, love each other. Jesus does not want us floating through space or sitting in front of our televisions. Jesus wants us interacting, eating together, laughing together, praying together. loneliness is something that came with the fall.

- donald miller, blue like jazz

applying myself

one phone call. having a conversation we have had before. but for some reason this time i acted.

i have been wondering what, where, when to do...or start doing...start attempting to do something again. last saturday having a conversation about life that i have had before with my favorite downtown vancouverite something clicked and i acted.

'go back to school like the rest of us.'

he is right. many of my mid-and-later twenty something friends are finding themselves returning back the classroom. this is something i have thought of before and yet didn't think it was time. i am applying. and if accepted moving to the city i grew up in.

i am hopeful this is the direction i need to be going. God will tell me if it is. until then i apply and wait to see if the door is opened.

sunflowers and future

i bought a sunflower today. i needed the smiles. not that i've been sad, just feeling icky today. in fact this last week has been quite good for me, happy-wise.

still having a hard time accepting where i am...don't know what i am to do in the grander scheme... the choices are...

...stay at the newly acquired painting department position, explore the painting/design world

...work towards school...becoming a teacher

...move to winnipeg in october and return to the coffeeshop

...investigate buying a coffeeshop of my own

maybe i should put them all in a hat and ...well let the hat decide. hahaha

for now. i have my sunflower!

life...what now?

in jr tolkens books the hobbits make a comment about their 'tween -age.' i think this is very fitting. now of course hobbits lived a lot longer and did things a bit different then we do, obviously. but being in your twenties is really just an extension of your teenaged years, unless you are one of the one who throw themselves into adult-ness. hm im starting to get fuzzy. i feel stuck. i am doing something i love but its very far away and im not getting ahead. im paying off my loans but just by the minimum...it feels more like i work so i can drive to work...not so useful, especially because i have itchy travelers feet. but there is no extra coming in to save for even a short roadtrip. annoying.

so ive been looking at options. an airline contacted me last year about becoming a flight attendant. which is perfect. so i made sure my online application was up to date. they were looking for flight attendants, the posting closed on january 31st. for the first two weeks of february i checked my inbox everyday. trying to convince myself not to be too eager. but i look back and even now it seems almost like a lifeline. the answer. maybe thats just it. there can't be a perfect answer. life choices can be hard. so ive started looking around the small town where i live with my parents. get a few extra jobs in a small area. easier to get from one to the other. im looking at a tree nursery, the golf course restaurant, and cleaning houses. but all that would mean goodbye to the coffee shop. which does make me a bit sad but i think its time.

caffeine characters

i work at a coffeeshop. i love it. i get to know people by what form of caffeine they prefer...and get to know them before they have caffeine in their system. one such customer i would like to introduce to you today. i don't know his name but his coffee is our biggest size non-fat latte, sometimes he switches it up with our biggest size dark roast. he is a no-nonsense 30-something lawyer and is for some reason the type of customer i take on as a personal customer service challenge...i want to make their day. over the past few months i've worked up a sort of repore with him. and have created this coffeeshop as his personal favorite...how do i know this? yesterday was a stat-holiday. he came in wearing jeans (!) with a completly adorable nutty woman. i saw completly different side of him. he was cuddly, laughing, and joking around. naturally i eavesdropped on his conversation while they were at the till where he announced (without knowing i was listening) that this was the best coffeeshop of its kind. for a self-pronounced people watching specialist this moment is one for the books! you could not wipe the smile off my face for the rest of the day. people are so facinating. i see this guy everyday and always when he is stressed and no doubt on his way to work. i got to see the side of him that i could relate to...the goofy, fun side. a side i would have missed if i had not been scheduled to work that day. makes me think how people percieve me...the gas attendant, the grocery store clerk, the people at church, my customers...the people that only see me for a few minutes a day. i like to think they see the best part of me. its also important to be reminded especially in a customer service job that nasty customers could be perfectly lovely people but are just having a really bad day, or just in desperate need of caffeine.

intimate

...as christians we hide behind the theology that the blood of Jesus covers all our sins. we are home free...or heaven free whatever. WRONG. the blood of Jesus covers all sins we are repentant of.

this truth was the topic of the service a few weeks ago. how then do we have a chance. there are attitudes and behaviors that i have that i know i am not aware of. or at least not aware of the root issues. then i was reading ...

o, Lord, You have searched me and known me.
You know when i sit down and when i rise up;
You understand my thought from afar.
You scrutinize my path and my lying down.
and are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

and are intimately acquainted with all my ways.

there is my hope. im a mess. how can i know and find the root of all the ways that separate me from God. He knows. all i need to do is ask. and then ask again for help.

this christianity thing is not a one time sit down with God. not a quick verbal agreement. its ongoing. but what better way to know yourself and change yourself then with the One who created you and is intimately acquainted with all your ways.

january 2008...RIGHT

oh and a very happy new year!! 2008!

bad blogger

not sure that anyone actually reads this site but here-a-goes...

christmas is over. it was amazing. i had family and friends around me for the first time in a long time at christmas. i have a job that im really good at and excelling at in a relaxing atmosphere. i have a lot to be thankful for. and i am.

then you remember that you are a quarter of a century and kinda unsure of whats next. ok, really unsure about whats next. and realizing that what you have now...although its what you need and whats good for you in this exact moment...isn't what you want to be doing for the next five years.

so. school? maybe? i'm looking into it.

christmas has come and gone

post christmas holiday blues...i understand them now.


i had an absolutely wonderful holiday. i was with my family. i haven't had christmas with my family in 2 years...i've been in china, having the day off just because it happened to fall on the weekend both years. all of my brothers together, and my sisters... ;) my brothers wife and bestest friend... she was able to come spend a marvelous 10 days in the true winter province!! and the day after she leaves the tempature droped 13 degrees. she had it easy...don't know though if she could handle it.

and now its over. hm. now what.

living in the now

... hm.

i own a beetle.

its a little strange. i've always kinda wanted one and its a little surreal...still. i don't have pictures yet...which is wierd. but they will come and should be posted soon.

...

its christmas

over all the last few days have been fantastic. i bought a new car...i am a beetle owner. which is a little girly but so cute!! once i have pics i will post them...

and then today is christmas!! well at starbucks anyways. i love christmas. and its sooooo christmassy in starbucks!!

so all these things adds to the joy i already feel.